Getting back into an old ritual I had where I wrote my thoughts about my latest play session before the 24-hour period had passed.
Yesterday wasn’t like before: there was no flogging, caning, paddling, nor was there any testing of my limits. Actually, it wasn’t even BDSM-oriented, but rather all about ABDL.
I spent an hour in a nursery.
There, I said it.
Most of us have fantasies about cribs, changing tables, high chairs, but not me. I find it incredibly embarrassing and I find it stressful how it forces me to regress to my little-self. After I was changed on that table and put into a thick baby-ish diaper, this man decided to put a pink frilly dress on me. I was then directed to try out the crib, sit on it, and I was finally locked in for a while. The emotions I felt during and after that were very confusing. I slipped into my old habits where I wasn’t capable of defining my sentiments and the space of mind I was in. That evening, I was drained and tired. I got home, hopped into bed and cried myself to sleep. I was a complete mess and that continued on to the next day. The way I felt wasn’t due to my experience, but because of what that unlocked for me – or inside me. For a moment, I got rid of my shell and what was inside me was allowed to come out and it did so even after putting that shell back on. It seemed as though it could seep through the small openings that were left. Because I have a tendency to keep everything inside me, I never get to sort it through. “Do I really want to keep that? Why did I even bother taking that in the first place?”, those are the questions that are going through my head at this moment.
And of course, I learned some valuable life lessons today: 1) Why keep/stock pile some thoughts/emotions/insecurities in the first place? 2) Things happen for a reason, they simply happen, and 3) Why didn’t I take pictures of my diapered bum in that crib?!
The Kneeling Daughter